Don't Judge Me.
I sat down to write a blog about Mother’s Day today.
I thought and thought about it - what should I write, how should I write it?
Don’t judge me when I say I have a love-hate relationship with Mother’s Day…
Of course I love my mum, she has taught me so much and raised me to be the capable, dedicated and loving person that I am. I will celebrate her. I love my friends and sisters who are amazing mothers, and I am genuinely happy for them, I will celebrate for them.
But I am a 42 year old woman without children, so when I go out in public and people wish me a happy Mother’s Day it is probably one of my least favourite things in the world. In fact, in the past it has been one of the most tortuous things. Mother’s Day is not about me, and I don’t want to hear all the platitudes about how “there is still time,” “you’re an aunt - so that counts,” or “it’s okay, we understand.”
But those with children do not understand. How can they?
They don’t understand the feeling of loss of femininity that society places on the likes of me (I was told when I was 18 I couldn’t have children), those who have tried IVF and failed, those that haven’t tried IVF because they didn’t think they could cope or don’t have the money, those that have not found someone they want to raise a baby with, those that want a career, and those that simply choose not to have children - their reasons are entirely their own and no one should judge.
So the message is - celebrate Mother’s Day the way you want - but do not judge me if I find it hard. Do not judge your friend, sister or colleague if she reacts badly to the day, or if she wants to hide away from the bombardment of it all. Don’t judge her if you say, “Happy non-Mother’s Day anyway,” and she reacts poorly - you do not know the pain she may be feeling inside, the reminder of what she doesn’t have (which society places in such esteem - like it is the only goal that women should have).
It has got easier for me over the years, less confronting, but surprisingly still a little raw if I poke at the wound. For others it may be a gaping wound, and to you I offer this advice:
Take care of yourself. Sleep in, create a little oasis of your own at home if you need to, read a good book.
Get off social media. Sunday might be a really good day to take a day off social where the bombardment of sentiments is real.
Honour your own mum.
Know that it will end. Come Monday it will be over for another year…
Celebrate yourself. Do something that can boost your self-esteem - it can be as simple as a new coat of red nail polish, or a fresh haircut and blow-dry. Or try something out of your comfort zone to boost your self-confidence. Anything you want - sing, dance, pamper - just make it about you!
For everyone else:
Celebrate the day how you want. Do Not feel guilty for the lose of others, it is not your fault.
Just be aware. If you know someone in this situation, do not judge them or their reactions. It can be an extremely emotional time. Maybe just check up on them, after Sunday, and ask them if they are okay.